It has now been 4+ years that Matt and I have been parents. It has changed us and our lives in ways that we never imagined. But I have learned there are secrets that other parents keep from those who don't have children. I don't know if it is because it's common knowledge to the rest of the parenting world, or if it is because they just don't want those without children to discover those secrets. And some are great. And some are terrible. Here's what I have learned so far:
10) Good thing you went to school and took all those needless classes to "round you out" because that knowledge comes in handy at about age 3 when the "Why?" questions come around. I give myself a pat on the back that I know about space, volcanoes, chlorophyll, all types of jobs for women, ethnic holidays, and an assortment of wild animals. Some say you get dumber the longer you are out of school. I say get a kid. You could totally get that perfect score on the SAT now.
9) Nothing belongs to you anymore. It all belongs to that child. My bra has been worn numerous times by my daughter. Say wha? My lipstick is in my daughter's bathroom. She even asks if she can borrow my iphone so that she can text her grandparents. I take baths in a tub that has "tub marker" graffiti on the walls. I look at my daughter's scribbles of our family, beady-eyed and spindle-legged with boat-feet, while I take my bubble baths and think...Can I sell this and send her to college?
8) You do not have to have a picky eater. I like diversity in my food. The high school and college days of living off mac n' cheese are gone! If you start your kids out eating and trying a diverse number of foods then you won't be stuck eating like a kid for the rest of your life.
7) You will have to carry everything and the kitchen sink when you go shopping with a child. And if you forget something, just buy it! Save yourself from the tidal wave of tears!
6) Nap time is more important for you than it is for the child. Remember: rest makes you a better parent.
5)Magical "Mommy Antibodies" are a myth. They are the mythical Unicorn. And so are "Daddy Antibodies."
4) You still have to take care of your bouncy toddler even if you are throwing up and sick--especially if that bouncy toddler was throwing up last night and you spent all night changing sheets and clothes and that's how you got sick. No one wants to babysit your sick baby for you so that you can get better. Now that's what you call an "Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore.
3) Snuggle time to you is like Star Power is to Mario. I do it as much as I can. And then I go out into the sad world and power through it.
2) Crying is your Kryptonite. You didn't know having a hurt, sad, or upset child could cut you to the bone. You will want to swallow all the pain your child will ever have.
1) You can unconditionally love someone. It is not a myth. But you really have to be a parent to get it. I tell my daughter every time I am angry with her, "But I still love you. I will always love you. Nothing you do will ever change that." It is the surest truth I know.
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